


I look good when I am mean

by omoxuixui (chinchaoof)



Series: post cats [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cat/Human Hybrids, Fluff and Angst, Hybrids, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Underage Smoking, i was dramatic, this isnt as bad as bad as it seems, yeah lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 06:24:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15746073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chinchaoof/pseuds/omoxuixui





	I look good when I am mean

DO and chen, they weren’t star crossed lovers or anything like that but legally speaking they were brothers.  
No, they were actual brothers.  
And it was funny, everyone in school taunted chen for having a hybrid in his house- one that everyone on the streets knew was treated as if he was an actual boy- however no one knew he was his actual brother for both his parents had truce that no one knows about this “scandal” as his mom pointed out, on the conditions that his father got to keep the hybrid. The “scandal” does not stop here for the hybrid’s mom is actual a guy meaning that his father is gay.  
Well in the old hybrids both gender could get pregnant, fortunaly the new modified ones only females. This had to do with something about heat cycles relating to menstruation cycle and Chen really did not listen during science classes  
His mother begged of silence from all of this, and his father agreed on conditions the hybrid stay, Chen does not get why the hybrid can’t just be left at a brothel or something.  
Chen liked rock and hard metal, he also likes messing with people and of course bullying cute ones, ones like Kyungsoo.  
And his father was not as bad as you think he is, in fact he was nice and all buying chen things he wanted, sending him card on his birthday when he was not there, but he never really genuinely cared, he would never come to his parties or his plays or choirs or anything really that chen was involved in.  
And his mom, his mom wanted nothing to do with anything but Chen. Her husband cheating on her and then exclaiming that if she did not like it she can go and sleep in her parents’ house was a big blow to her. But she loved Chen with all her heart, she would never hurt him and he would never disappoint her.  
And chen loved his mom , he did , he get her the A’s she wanted , was a good student was nice to everyone , even the neighbors eye him and always complemented him .  
So everyday Chen went to school, every day he would smoke fags outside during classes he was good at like metal work and French –he speaks it fluently for he has learnt it ever since he was young –he was THAT RICH KID. Some days he would go on the hub, jump school gates, you name it he has done it. And it really was for the crack , studies were too easy for him if he studied well enough he would get almost full marks , if he halfheartedly did he would border line a low A and a high B . If he barely studied he would still scum a low B.  
HE JUST WAS THAT GOOD, also he only cared because his mom cared, not because he cared about his future.  
“Yo Chen, how you doing man “seungsoo rolled his head  
He always did that  
“Cool, bro “as he lit up a cigarette  
‘Still smoking that shit “seungsoo said “wont your folks get mad “  
“Won’t you fuck off “chen smiled wickedly at him  
“Hey man “seungsoo raised his hand defending himself ‘I am just saying, don’t you wanna be a singer someday, that shit kills the voice “  
Chen gave him a side glance saying shut up and so seungsoo did  
“Yeah, rad, then you can get all them girls and all them fancy hybrids” jack piped in, he has been sitting there quietly listening to the conversation, he was a creep full of connections so it was worth keeping him around  
“Ooh yes, did you see that girl what is her face?? Stealls loom, damn that girl with her big tits “exclaimed seungsoo  
Seungsoo leans in closer to “whisper ““they modified her to be perfect they say she is a guaranteed pleasure “  
“Yeah baby “jack starts thrusting his hips  
Chen rolled his eyes “the only thing guaranteed here is you assholes staying a virgin for the rest of your lives “  
“Yah, don’t go all out on us because you be sleeping with that cutie in your house what is his name??? Kyungsoo “  
“Hey ,I will give you all you want if you give me a night with him, I have seen his thighs before!!!, these things are glorious “seungsoo blew kiss in the air as an exaggeration  
“Oooh someone is mad “jack said “c’mon though admit it don’t you wanna bang that, I bet he would moan pretty good, just like the slut that is his mom “  
And Chen wanted to stop them but why would he that stupid hybrid got him nothing but fights between his parents and their relationship ending up being on thin ice  
He has to keep up with that piece of shit aka Kyungsoo he refuses to call him by his actual name -all the time in the house . thank god he works as a maid and does housework or he would have been completely useless  
In addition he continuously has to hear all this bullshit about him in school. So Chen does not care, he does not agree or disagree in the end bitches only give birth to bitches anyways.  
When he went back home, he found the house silent, “mom, dad “he took of his leather jacket “I am home “  
Hopefully they haven’t had a fight were one of them killed the other or something. he found the table set up with frozen food heated and placed in plastic plates , a sticky note on the fridge saying “your uncle Sam has died we won’t be home until late in the evening “  
Chen rolled his eyes, who is this Uncle Sam anyways  
He sat down and was about to eat when he heard a soft moan, a very gentle soft one.  
He freaked out.  
walking down the hallway he realized it was Kyungsoo bedroom aka the old store house .and no they were not evil enough to put him in the attic or the basement, this is not Cinderella, he has a bed and all it is just his room is small due to the fact that it is not originally designed as a bedroom but instead a store room.  
Although his father almost got the hybrid anything he wanted, so his room was as well-furnished and given so much love like Chen’s one. Except Chen is flattered with false love from his dad  
His dad is such an asshole.  
He heard it again and he was tempted to rush in and tease him about it but instead he found Kyungsoo curling into a tight ball on the bed, body heaving up and down with the sound of tears falling down and his whole body shaking.  
Periodically he would let out one or two moans  
“Hey are you okay “chen said slowly  
He hiccupped in surprise and stood up hastily with his back to Chen  
“I am fiiine “he moaned at the end of it ‘I do not know what is happening “he turned around and Chen could see his dick straining against his pants  
“I am not sure I have no clue, “he was heaving heavily  
“Ever heard of a heat cycle??” Chen asked, again he was a smart kid  
Kyungsoo eyes were wide and they stayed wide he shook his head no  
“Jesus never “Chen said ‘idk it is like a crazy stage that both hybrids and chicks get except chicks want to kill you during it while apparently hybrids want to fuck you “  
He sat on the bed then  
Honestly Chen found this amusing, and in seconds Kyungsoo mouth was drooling on the matters , and he was leaning closer and closer to chen , He pushed him off except the hybrid was strong and pushed him down on the bed moaning out that he shouldn’t leave him  
“just stay for a bit “ he whimpered  
Randomly nipping at Chen’s skin but never truly touching .  
“Okay, Kyungsoo, we do not have to go down that road “chen said. Chen has had sex before, well not with a boy, he was not gay  
But Kyungsoo did not listen he just kept teasing and looking like the most beautiful apple on the most forbidden tree. And Chen was no priest if Kyungsoo kept this up, he is going to end up hard  
“Whatever “he thought with a shrug, flipping Kyungsoo over on the bed and placing one hand firmly on his shoulder blade pressing him down  
Kyungsoo wants to be a slut he will get treated like one then  
He makes quick work of Kyungsoo jeans, and the smell engulfing him is almost surreal but he lets it pass and keeps Kyungsoo where he is whimpering and looking scared out of his skin then pulls down his pants  
But Kyungsoo did not make a decision in this he did not say yes heck he does not even know what is going on , and Kyungsoo screams he does so on the top of his lungs .  
“Yah shut up you dumbass, I am trying to help you here “chen whines almost irritangingly as if doing this is a favor for the hybrid .  
“What is going on?? “He sees the door open before he hears his father’s shouting  
Of course light travels faster than sound. Don’t mind him Chen sprouts random ideas when he gets anxious or completely embarrassed  
“what are you doing “ his mother sounds lethal and he can feel a tear going down his checks his mom has never looked at him like this before  
Chen father rips him off Kyungsoo and then starts cooing at him “are you okay??” “Are you hurt “  
His mom just simply walks out of the room, Chen stands there, except a moment later he finds himself hit in the face  
“What do you think you were doing “  
And Chen bursts “nothing, fucking nothing, the innocent angel you think he is he is not, he was the one who jumped on me and I was getting tired of his lousy ass that did no work so I decided to help him “  
“When I came in it did not look like help “his father screamed back  
“It is not my fault he got his heat and jumped on me, doesn’t he go to that stupid rich school, don’t they teach him all that useful shit, wasn’t he acting like a slut “  
“Get out “his father said coldly and he would never admit it but he was shaking, his father is a scary man  
But Chen would not take any of it  
“Why so you could be the one to fuck him “  
Slap this one definitely will leave blood on his face  
And there were tears in his eyes but he was sick of his father  
“I am so sick of you treating me like a rag doll you can do anything with “he spat out  
“Well maybe if you were a better son I would have treated you better “  
Chen chuckles at that  
“You think it is funny that you almost fucking ….. forced ……” his father eyes were bulging like mad “he looks… scared , fucking scared “his father looked and sounded lethal at that point “you think it is funny “ at that point he was full on screaming and he grabbed chen by the hair  
“I was helping “he feels a punch on his face and he can now officially taste blood  
“I raised you better than this “  
“Well maybe if you spent more of your money on me and mom instead of on that little slut, I would have been a better person “  
“Money doesn’t make men “  
“says the man made solely out of them “ chen says and his father steps back then maybe his father is finally realizing how much chen misses him ever since Kyungsoo came along but instead he turns around looks at the hybrid who is a whimpering crying mess and sighs  
“We are not done “he speaks slowly and surely,”but you better fucking get out Kim jongdae before I murder you “  
Chen chuckles and shuffles out “whatever, I knew you would be too worried about pleasing your dick at the end than me “chen says as he looks degradingly at the hybrid on the bed  
His father says nothing, Chen cries in the bathroom for two hours after that only coming out when learning his father has left the house with Kyungsoo and will not be back until tomorrow.  
Chen is gay , he watches gay porn , he wishes of kissing men , he harbours a crush on one of the really handsome juniors in his school , taeyang his name is . also apparently tayeong is not gay .  
But chen lives with it , it has been 5 weeks now since what happened has happened his mom did not scold him only told him not to follow on in his fathers dirty steps and marry an actual human beign not a hybrid and so he promises he would .  
On dinner that time his father pipes in “so there is something that kyungsoo wants to share “  
Kyungsoo blushes and simply looks down “go on don’t worry “ his father smiles warmly  
“I will be getting a surgery to remove my fertility “ kyungsoo whisperes  
And chen does not admit it but kyungsoo has such deep beautiful voice and chen is mildly soothed by it  
“finally you are doing something right “ his mom says arrogantly  
“I do not understand why you want to do it “his father exclaims “are you sure ??”  
Kyungsoo looks at his mom with a hint of fear and then nods  
“isn’t there a huge risk of not being able to survive the surgery “ chen asks  
“69% yes “ kyungsoo almost whispers too quickly as if not saying it wont make it true  
Chen frowns , his mom looks happier than ever  
The dinner ends like that ;lamenting  
During the weekend his parents go off for an important trip to Sweden to meet his mom 12th cosuine wedding .  
his mom’s family is huge .  
And kyungsoo comes knocking on his bedroom door  
“what” he says as he pulls a cigeratte of his lips  
“nothing I just need to do something “ kyungsoo says  
And he grabs chen and places a cloth on his mouth while letting him inhale he then grabbs his cigarette and butts it , chen wants to scream at him then :what the hell but instead feels his whole body going limp ,he feels extremely disoriented and confused .  
Kyungsoo flips chen over and drops both his pants and underwear down while raising Chen’s ass up in the air , chen cant move , he can barely shake his head and scream  
“how does it feel being in that position chen ??” kyungsoo asks quietly “it is revealing is it not “  
Chen voice is a little muffled now too  
“don’t worry I used a substance that causes instance paralysis but keeps you conscious so you can be awake while I make you feel the same way you made me feel “  
And in all honsestly it would not be so scary if kyungsoo was not staring a hole through his sole  
“I am not your slut “ kyungsoo pulls at his hair “I am not a toy “ he slowly lightly touches his butt cheek touching but also not touching “and we are both equals”  
This is hands down the broadest amount of time kyungsoo and chen has spent talking and also the closest physically they have been  
Chen whimpers then he wanted this to end , he can see from the side of his eye line kyungsoo walking up to him and punching him square in the jaw .  
And in comes blackness 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chen wakes up to himself laying on the bed .he walks up startled and touches all over his body he is fully dressed was that a dream ?? was it not ??  
Chen rages up from his bed and goes to search for kyungsoo , his parents are still away he notices  
“ you motherfucker “ he screams as he sees the little devil sitting on the couch eating icecream  
Kyungsoo has the dignity to fake innocence  
“what are you on about ??” kyungsoo looks surprised  
“you fucking drugged me “ chen walked up to him and wanted to grab at his hair but he finds enough control in himself to hold back  
“I have no idea what you are talking about but do not touch me “ kyungsoo voice soothes everything in the air, the tension ,the electricity  
And the little cat looks scared ,chen takes in a breath holds his nose and realizes that maybe it was a dream and once again he is being a fucking asshole and attempting to hurt an inncocent cat beside it was not the cat he hated …..  
But then kyungsoo is smirking and chen looks up to see that he knows , HE FUCKING KNOWS , it WAS NOT A DREAM and he lunges  
They both tumble on the couch punching at each other as much as they can ,kyungsoo kicking while chen tries to punch as he is sat on top of him .  
Kyungsoo avoids grabs the lamp beside him and hit him on the head so hard as he turns to make a run for it only to be caught in the tail and stumble forward .  
Chen then throws himself on kyungsoo lamp and punches one , tow and he can see the blemishes starting to grow , but then kyungsoo grabs both his hands and scratches at his face  
Chen whimpers out loud giving the feline a chance to slip out of his hold push him on his back on the floor , grab the ice cream and throw the whole can at chen face .  
Chen sits there stomach and back sore from the kicks and face midly burning with scratches and the coldness of the icecream . he wants to get up and continue this fight but the feline is stood there shocked and holding his breath while chen just lay with both hands above his head and breathing heavily  
Chen just starts laughing , a small rumble from the bottom of his chest.  
He feels kyungsoo eyeing him ,eyeing his wrists  
And chen wants to fold his arms and hold them closer to him  
He feels the mild laugh erupting from his throat raw and scratchy  
And kyungsoo leans down and touches softly and…..  
chen feels more exposed than when he was butt naked  
He folds both arms in and growls at kyungsoo  
But kyungsoo does not waver , he does not give him a face of pity just a look of indifference one schooled not to show any shock or confusion  
And chen laughs a lot now , for no one has given him such a sincere look like that what a fucking irony  
“wh…what ..isiiss th..at chen “ kyungsoo voice breaks  
Chen just looks at him and cries a little “something you will never understand , so don’t act like you do “ and he really did not mean for it to sound so harsh but it did  
He gets up looks around and sees a mess from their fight , he sighs so what he has always been nothing but a mess anyway  
Chen does it under the safety of his blankets when everyone is asleep , he found this razor and slipped it in .  
He hides it in the dinasour wardrobe his mom got him that he uses for small accessories hats and socks , the wardrobe is made out of fabric so he made a gap between the dinasour teeth and hides it there well  
And every night he would sleep while his wrist hurt a little in pain  
He would feel the complete utter silence for the loudest boy on earth shed no sounds or muffles and just simply lay there to hurt in vacuum.  
but it was fine .  
Really it was fine  
“what are you doing here “he opened up his room door in the morning to see the little midget of a cat standing there  
He gives him a hug  
“what “chen screams “what ‘he tries to shake him off  
But kyungsoo leaves after a few seconds and says nothing  
It is too early for chen to care so he shrugs it of, it is probably cuz of that stupid fight  
The next day kyungsoo comes in his room at dawn crack with a towl and cream and bandaids  
Chen was tempted to scream but kyungsoo jumped on him both hands on his mouth to shut him up “I advise you do not say a word or I will tell ur parents about your little escapde “  
Kyungsoo eyes are threatening and his ears and tails stand proud  
He shuts up  
“give me your hand “ kyungsoo says slowly  
Chen gives in maybe because chen wants to give in but the more stubborn proud part of him says it is just because he does not want kyungsoo to tell his parent , his heart wants to wish it is the first option though , for the sake of falsely believing that someone still actualy cares about him .  
“ow” he whines a little when kyungsoo places the towl on his hand  
“u don’t even clean it up “ kyungsoo scolds “this blood can cause infections nevermind it makes you dirty “  
“sorry mom “chen mocks  
Kyungsoo slowly pours the cream and it burns the skin , it is his retaliation .  
Chen watches wearily waiting for the stupid questions to come at him any time soon but they don’t , kyungsoo just tends to his wounds .  
“you are going to need a lot f bandaids “chen laughs ‘way more than those “  
Kyungsoo puts band aids on some and leaves the other bare , he says nothing and slips out of the room like nothing too .  
Next morning chen comes home early for he was dissmessed early because his history teacher was out  
He comes in to see his mom shouting at kyungsoo  
“you son of a bitch , I don’t even get why we keep you “ his mom shouted “ahh fuck “  
Kyungsoo just stands there still as a stone  
“get out of my face before I fucking actually kill you “  
And chen watches him go up stairs to his room  
His mom comes out and sees chen and sighs not even going to cover up her ashaming attitude  
“hey chen baby ho-” he does not let her finish going up to check on kyungsoo  
“hey are you okay “ he peers in his room for suddenly a can of coke to come rushing his way  
He dodge it just in time  
He laughs a little  
“ a litte feisty huh??”  
Kyungsoo just blankly stares “if you are here to make jokes get out “ he rolls on the other side of the bed  
“do you wanna talk about it “ he sits on the edge of the bed  
“do you wanna talk about your wrist ?” kyungsoo counter attacks  
“I guess not “ chen sighs , he makes a move to leave before he sputters out “thank you “  
He says it all of a sudden and it even takes himself by surprise  
“ thank you for not judging “ he can see the cats ears peering up ****************************************************************************  
Next time they have family game chen picks kyungsoo on his team  
“I mean why not “he smiles slowly “let us switch it up a little  
Next time he find kyungsoo sitting on the couch he does not neglect sitting beside him  
“what are you watching “  
“unforgettable memories”  
“omg what a cheesy movie “ chen laughs “you do not look like the guy that likes cheesy movies “  
“says the guy who reads yaoi innocent manga in his room “kyungsoo smirks “srsly dae they are so hopelessly romantic “  
“move aside “ chen flops down and watches the movie beside kyungsoo making fun of anything and everything , they laugh extra hard at the dirty jokes and make fun of how much of an idiot bamsil is  
Although they argue of weather the ending was well deserved or not they both agree he was an idiot  
“he should have said it “ kyungsoo said “how can he be so oblivious that she felt the same , she made him a mix tape “  
And chen looks to see a handsome being beside him that tend to his wound every night now for 2 nights  
And that might not seem like a lot but it is more than anyone has ever done  
“mix tapes are not confession “ chen huffs  
“if a guy makes a mix tape for me let me gaurntee you I would be snatched”  
Chen thinks for a second what a perfect mix tape for kyungsoo would be but then he dismisses that idea quickly .  
On the fourth night , chen sits there quietly he is starting to run out of space and scratching at old scratches are not as satisfying as new ones , but kyungsoo comes in and chen just lays there looking at him .  
“I feel like a 4 out of ten “  
“at least you feel something “ kyungsoo chuckles  
“do you have to do this fertiality test “  
“idk ask your mom “ he says SNARKILY but then his eyes widens and realizes his mistake and takes it back quickly “I I I mean as ..in….yes “  
“do you want to do it “ kyungsoo looked up at him  
“why does it matter my dreams are unreal “  
“what are your dreams ??”  
“show me your wrist , so I can get this over with “  
“if this is a burden you don’t have to do it , no one is forcing you “ chen sounds a little bitter  
“it is okay , I will live” D.O mutters weakly and chen for a second thinks he is talking about taking care of his wounds and he starts to become selfish and feel hurt knowing he is such a burden ” if it means I do not break this family as much as I did then I will do it “ chen then relies how self centered he is , because kyungsoo does not find this tiring but the whole oredeal with the surgery  
Chen needs to keep reminding himself that the world does not revolve around him  
And chen looks at him and understands why he cuts himself  
“I don’t think he should do it mom “  
“he almost jumped on you “ chen was confued , was this women okay  
“mom??” he started slowly “I was the one pinning him “  
His mom looked furiously at him “ do not say such things it was probably the devil work an innocent child like you would do nothing like that with a shitty creature like him a hybrid “she barely manages to get out , her voice inclining a short of breath, a gasp of disbelief ,”nevermind he is a guy “ she said sharply  
His mom wiped one tear furiously “ I am just glad we saved you “  
Chen was disgusted  
“dad , kyungsoo does not want to do the surgery don’t make him do it “  
His father just looked surprised  
“what ??” he looked surprised “ why do you care kiddo”  
“because I just do , I do not think he should do it “  
“as much as i agree with you , it was his decision all by himself , look kiddo if he says he does not want to do it , he wont , I will never force any of you to do anything without you wanting it “  
His father said as he smoked his last puff  
“you always fucking made me do shit I did not want to do”  
“shit I knew was good for you “ his dad said “ but I never made you stay doing that shit or to leave that shit “  
Chen looks ready to argue but his father shuts him down  
“chen I know you go on the hop I also know u smoke , which I think you should stop “  
His father takes one last long puff on the killer machine  
“but I wont force you to do shit son , I will tell you it is wrong but how you act accordingly is up to you”  
His father looks out of the balcony and peers down , almost as if he was complementing taking the dive “ that and how much you love yourself “  
Good question  
How much does chen loves himself , later on chen finds himself screaming that question in his mind  
He feels the cold wind blow and reminds himself he should start dressing more properly  
The next day chen finds himself wanting to leave but he also does not his basketball practice starts in ten and if he does not move now he wont be there on time .  
But he just  
He just kind of is sick at the way some of his teammates treat him when he wears long sleeved shirts under his shirt and he is sick of not being as good as the original 5 also he kind of does not like his coach and when has he been so fucking picky about shit .  
‘don’t you have practice now “ his mom asks perfectly  
“uhmm yeah coach canceled last minute “  
“okay do you have some work to do “  
“yes “ he mutters softly  
Walking up the stairs he finds kyungsoo  
“why the sad face “ he frowns  
“none of your damn business you cat “  
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes “that is discriminative “  
“hey kyungsoo wanna do homework together ??”  
Kyungsoo looks shocked if to say the least , after they are all settled down and chen is drowned in books of endless letters and boring hours of hard work study . he finds himself interested with wanting ot know more about Kyungsoo . for the first time he has realized that he truly does not know a lot about Kyungsoo  
“that does not make sense “chen sprawls his book everywhere  
“stop it “kyungsoo growls as his leg is hit one again by chen flailing arms  
“I just , it is just ahhhhhh”  
“ Hopkins was a man that liked to understand the world in context of its religion “  
“Hopkins is a depressed asshole “  
“he is a depressed asshole that will be on the test so focus “  
“how do you even know that , you are not in the same school as me “  
Kyungsoo gave him a daunting look  
“fine , but like who says “ tin foil shook” though , wow very poetic” chen laughs  
“to be honest he seems to be a little harsh on himself , someone who thinks blood is gold and that jesus bleeding on the cross is a way to forgive man sin is a sadist , that is not someone you would wanna be friends with “  
“I cut myself and your friends with me ” chen himself was not sure if he was being serious or just borderline hateful to himself  
The words were not to serve as an accusation but more of “I want you to pity me because I pity my pitiful shitty self “  
Kyungsoo looks at him surprised , and he did not mean for things to be awkward chen was funny , he was wild and loud , but he was also vulnerable and soft  
No one knows about this but kyungsoo and sometimes it worries chen the fuck out what if someday kyungsoo wakes up and looks at him degradingly .  
In reality a lot of people do that , mostly really jelouse students of chen’s perfect record (he manages to always get “notes “ explaining his absence and he smoks after school only ) and chen’s ability to score perfect grade in assigments that matter for your total end of the year grade .  
But none of them know he cuts himself , none of them know he lies in bed during the night and stares at nothing and feels nothing , feel empty and when he tries to sort things out it all comes out in a jumbled mess  
And nothing makes sense , just the feeling of guilt and extreme self hate  
Kyungsoo kisses him, and if they were older they would have freaked out but this was not sophisticated this was not much , chen was 16 and kyungsoo was 15 , they were hormonal teenager whose sexual frustration led to no endings  
And in real life and in future prospect they would have taken time , teased each other out skated on thin ice until they broke  
But chen wanted kyungsoo and kyungsoo wanted chen and for their age things were simple . if you wanted something you took it . even if it was not right , even if it was not the perfect ace  
Simple as that  
And chen really cant remember what happened next . for he just kept replying the kiss in his head and then a few simple questions:  
What if we could be together ?  
Why couldn’t I not be so messed up and hopeless?  
The next day they go out chen asks if kyungsoo wants to go too , they end up both strolling on the beach  
“so imagine , would you rather be an elephant with a lions butt for a face or a lion as small as an ant “ chen says  
“does that mean I will have to walk in a backward direction “  
“yup like towards your ass”  
“that makes no sense “  
“you getting that infertiality test makes no sense “  
Kyungsoo takes a long lick of his icecream  
“I I “ kyungsoo looked at chen then ears bowed down on his face tail tugged in  
“I don’t know chen “  
“I think you should not do it “  
“I will be getting heat every month “  
“there are suppressants you can take “ chen says  
“we cant afford them , tampons are already expensive enough “k yungsoo says thinking about their mom  
“we can split my pocket money , I get too much for what I need anyway”  
“no chen that is your –“  
“I can pick up a part time job for the money , I can beg my mom for my pocket money to be more and then I can give it to yo-“  
“no no no and definitely no to the part time job you need to focus on your study “  
“so what you will enter a surgery that has a 68% chance of faluier “  
“ I don’t know , heats are fucker anyways , they are so hard to deal with even with suppressant ‘ kyungsoo huffs out  
“I can help you through them if you want “ chen says out furstiangly  
“oh is this what it is about ??” kyungsoo eyebrows are drawn sharp  
“what ??” chen takes it back “no no no , I did not mean it like that”  
“it is okay let us not talk about it “ kyungsoo whispered, almost defeated as if he wanted chen o fight back  
But chen felt stupid and wanted this topic over and done with , however he clearly was not in the right state of mind  
“kyungsoo what are we ??”  
‘we are brothers “ kyungsoo told him like it was nothing  
“yeah “ chen noded absent mindly we are brothers he thought  
Chen broke that night , he kept cutting over and over and over again , when waking to the bed he can feel the skin at his thighs rip open , from how sensitive they have become , he can feel the blood seeping through the fabric and some of his fluffy pjamas bottoms stick onto the open wound  
He should probably clean for his frantic mind is warning him of potential infections and disease but he decide to lay down and hope these few cuts don’t kill him .  
Kyungsoo comes in like he always does , except this time chen tells him to leave  
‘please just let me clean you up I got more bandaids “  
“no , leave kyungsoo “  
“jongdae please “ and he can hear the desperation in his voice  
“no , let me be , there is nothing wrong with this and look I am sorry if I hurt you because of this , no one was suppose to know it is my fault anyway “ he can hear his voice cracking but he was so tired that all his tears have already dried up  
“there is nothing here for you to care about “ chen bitterly said  
“chen please “  
“fuck off “ chen had screamed and pushed him off the bed  
He was rude and probably should have helped the little hybrid up but he did not he just gave him his back and went back to looking at nothing  
When kyungsoo left , he then started to slowly cry . why did he always ruin good things , but he was so tired of being close to people and recklessly loving them and getting no love from them in return .  
He wanted to stop all these feelings he had for kyungsoo , kyungsoo was his brother , and brothers don’t kiss each other brothers don’t hug each other brothers don’t hold each other at the waist and place their heads at each other necks  
Brothers fight and joke and love each other platonically  
Chen should just love himself platonically 

The utter most perfect irony is that chen keeps giving in when they watch movies together now , kyungsoo almost always lays his head on his shoulder and he lets him , he loves it actually , when they walk to school together sometimes chen lets himself talk and talk and talk  
And although kyungsoo bites his tounge and chen thinks he should too , chen just cant .for a little while he ignores the should and the don’t he ignores the you give 1 I give 1 and 1 and only 1 that the world seems to have as it is first principle  
For once he lets himself talk and talk and get excited  
He gets too high up that when it is all gone and he goes to class and there is no kyungsoo to tie up his shoe laces or eat the hard part of the biscuit he does not like or he remembers his work and his body is sore from last night adventure .  
He hates everything and hates all the existence in the world  
But he stays quite .  
He screams loudly around his friends , whines beautifully and laughs boisterously  
But on the inside his silence shreds him to pieces its ringing louder than anything he has ever felt before  
***************************************************************************  
“I love kyungsoo “ he says to his father  
And his father smirks behind his ciggerates  
“I know “ his father says “and your mom knows but she acts oblivious for it does not suit her that you might be falling in love with a hybrid nevermind a guy “ he says the last three words with heavily laced mockery  
“why aren’t you freaking out , he… he… is my brother “ and chen hasn’t cried infront of his parents in years now  
“because he is not your brother “ his father says quietly  
“what ??” chen is confused  
“kyungsoo is the son of Sungyeol , he was “his father chuckled a bit “he was a one of a kind hybrid , but uhmmm he was murdered because he got pregnant with the heir of a wealthy company and of course that was a disgrace for the family : a blood related child who was a hybrid “  
His father coughed a bit but continued on  
“the laws in regards to these manners are hazy , the lines are blurred no one knows who keeps the child , does the child get any rights is he human or hybrid , do you pay taxes on him or not , can you apply dna tests to know who the parents are , no one knows for humanity is of no importance to humans when it does not work in their best interest ‘  
His father looked cautiously at his son “sometimes kiddo , the rich like to sin , but they also like to make fun of those who sin too , so they act clean wear a mask engraved with white and when they take it off the blood stains cover up their whole face even their eyes can’t be seen “  
His father looks on ahead “don’t make the same mistake kiddo ,don’t let others cover up their sins using you , don’t let them force you to marry a women you have never loved and never will , while watching the only person you love perish infornt of you “  
“why did you say he was –“  
“your brother ?? , because your mom would not have let me keep him unless I said so , your mom is against animal labour she would not have agreed to keeping him as a pet “he smiles greasly then “ and if she had knew that hybrid was related to some risky business of great investors she would have killed him herself , I never cheated on your mom , I am not that type of person, someone who cheats on his wife is someone that murders a hybrid , one sin lead to another and covering up one for another lead to a society built on phantoms and interlocking lies”  
“take well care of kyungsoo chen or I swear to god I will be the one to murder you “  
**************************************************************  
“I do not understand “ kyungsoo had said slowly  
“basically , light travels in electromagnetic waves but it also travels as photons of light , think of the sun as a silly little baby that throws random pack of toys every 3 minute or so “ chen exclaims excitedly “these photons are pouches of energy being thrown at the earth therefore it is the frequency that causes photoemission to happen and not the intensity of these photons .“  
“ what about the wave particle duality ?”  
“I cant belive this “bang “this is unreal “ they hear the screams from downstairs  
Both boys jump scared , they go downstairs to find their mom screaming at the walls  
“you stupid cat where is that dumb money I gave you last week “  
“I I have already given it to the teacher “  
“well this letter says you have not , so where the fuck is it “  
“I I don’t know “ kyungsoo starts shaking beside him  
“I took it mom , I have it with me “  
Kyungso nudged him “that money is 500 dollars “  
then give it to that stupid thing so he can pay the fees “ his mom sighed “ahh chen hybrids should not deal with adults stuff , the money concept is properly so hard for such a hybrid to understand , I keep telling your father this “  
Chen wanted to laugh , Kyungsoo, the boy whoese English essay were graded an A by his English teacher , chen strugles to maintain a high B in English  
It was a stupid dare , chen remembers reading kyungsoo essay and thinking it came out of an article and he had copied it , but kyungsoo gaurnteed he had not , so he told him he would give it to his teacher and see how he react  
His teacher told him that by far it was his best essay he had handed up  
They joked non stop then about how kyungsoo can sit his English exam while chen sits his physics exam  
“ I will get you the money from my saving account don’t worry “  
“don’t you think she will notice you dumbass” kyungsoo whispered frantically  
“ah I will tell her I bought some weed with it “  
Kyungsoo eyes bulged twice its size  
“I am joking I will tell her I paid it for basketball membership , I am not going to do that anymore “  
“why ?? , you are really good at it “  
“no kyungsoo I am not good enough “ chen said slowly “but it is okay I might do something else instead”  
Kyungsoo laied in bed “I was thinking do you wanna join a singing club “ kyungsoo arched his eyebrow  
“it is related to my school but normal people come too “ kyungsoo has hesitated  
“normal people “ chen said poshly “oh god if they are there I think I will pass “  
“they are nice normal people “  
Chen looked at him incrudouly and chuckled a bit “there are no normal people in this world and certainly not nice ones “  
“tag along it will be great fun “ kyungsoo insisted  
It was great fun , he met a guy named Xuimin over there , he was such a sweetheart , he also met chanyeol and his hybrid baekhyun , chanyeol was very well off with both his parents working in the law industry .  
Chen compared to them lived in the sewege , but it was okay everyone was happy and nice  
He met a few other hybrids too , some even called him cute  
His teacher loved him for he was one of the few to hit the highest note who was not a girl  
“thank you for the money chen “ kyungsoo had said that day they came back from choir practice  
“what for we are brothers , we do stuff for each other “  
“it was the cancelation fee “  
Chen stopped in his track confused  
“I am not doing the surgery anymore “ he smiled a little  
Chen eyes lit up “really ‘ he roared loudly “omg yasssss kyungsoo I am so happy you decided that “  
“appa said he will buy supressent for me so I wont bother you like I did that time “  
“no actually “ chen stopped once again and looked at him “I am very sorry for that day , I had no right whatsoever to think that I have the right to use you because you were in heat “  
“why because we are brothers ?”  
“no , because that is your body and it does not matter if you put it on display right now or not , it is your decision and your consent that matters , both our consent “  
Kyungsoo stays silent  
“I am sorry kyungsoo I must have scared you that day and…” I am such a piece of shit or I know what it feels like to be weak as I am weak to myself or I know what it is like to step on someone for I continuously step on myself …  
“I will forgive you , if you stop hating yourself so much “ kyungsoo intrupts slowly yet with a hint of urgency as if he wants to stop his trail of thoughts before it got too wounded .  
“how can I not kyungsoo “he screamed he did not even mean it to be that loud “I am just not good enough “his eyes are swelling he cannot start crying they are in the middle of the street for god’s sake  
“but it does not matter chen , you’ re good enough for me “  
“I always mess up “ he says firmly  
“you are always human , that is not a sin “ his father words ring in his ears  
“we are not brothers kyungsoo ‘  
Kyungsoo looks up at him “what do you mean “ he looks relectunt and chen has spend so many times with him that he can tell he is biting something back from him  
But chen let himself talk and talk and talk again . for he needed a distraction , so he told him everything his father told him  
Kyungsoo did not look as surprised as he thought he would be “ you are not surprised??”  
“I am “ kyungsoo confirms “but let us face it I am smarter ,and prettier so it is not a surprise we are not related “  
Chen lets out a lost laugh  
And thinks I really like kyungsoo  
As he leads kyungsoo towards the building  
“where are you talking me?? “ kyungsoo asked for the 100 time “I swear to god if we end up in that stupid arcade zone we had to go to last time I will put a can in a sock and hit you with it until you die “ he pause and then goes on to threaten again , chen thinks it is cute “ if this is some strip club like the last time you wanted to have some fun I will strip you and beat you with a bat until you are black and blue “  
“that would be kind of sexy “ chen said and kyungsoo groans out  
“I don-“ chen removes his hand from his eyes and move infront of him  
“ta da “ he gave him his 100 watts smile  
Kyungsoo archs an eyebrow “you bought me to a takeaway place “  
Chen just stands there turning a little blue from holding in a breath he does that every time he wants to say something but gets too excited to do so  
“chen breath , it is just a takeaway resteruent “  
“no no no “ he screams out loud in happiness “our take away resturent “  
Kyungsoo mouth gapes open , now it is his turn to feel breathless  
And chen juts smiles wider , kyungsoo…  
He just stares and cries .  
And for a second chen freaks out ,he is so surprised ,oh god did he do something wrong .  
chen have seen kyungsoo cry twice before when he was watching tennis prince and the main hero lost , and when pororo aired its last eposide , he is a die hard fan ,don’t even fucking think about making fun of this  
“I am sorry “ chen hugged kyungsoo he can feel himself starting to tear up too , maybe this was a stupid idea after all  
“I hate you “ kyungsoo started to slowly hit his chest “I hate you , I hate you , I hate you for making me cry in front of all these strangers and for making me so happy about everything “  
Wait what , chen is dumbfounded  
“I hate you too ??”  
“how “kyungsoo hiccupped and seemed rather angry at himself for being unable to speak properly “what , how ??”  
“well you always told me you wanted to cock , I have lied to my parents and actually only got a higher degree certificate in business instead of spending 4 years in a dull college I only spent tow , also I got enough money for both of us to buy this restuerant “  
Chen smiled brightly  
“we shall call it chen ding ding dong “ chen noded his head excitedly  
“see what you did there “kyungsoo hit chen’s head upside down “you killed it , chen ding dong ?”  
“what I think it is a brilliant name “ he whined after him as they both entered the resturent  
“thank you “ kyungsoo spun on his heels to face chen , all smiley and coy that chen wanted to laugh so badly , is kyungsoo being shy ??  
“what for “ chen smiled geuninly ‘I haven’t made your dream perfect yet , I still have to propse but I don’t have the money and hopefully this business runs and my degree fucking works out right and then I will propse properly , I will give you the brightest rings of all ‘chen desperately wanted to say but keeps quite , talking and talking and talking is not always the brightest ideas  
Kyungsoo coughed a little “you have something to say ??“ he elaborated  
“no nothing , I love you “ chen lied , chen was bad at hiding his thoughts but he was good at lieing when he needed to .  
“chen “ kyungsoo screamed out in the kitchen “someone is on the phone “  
“oh you better go see your fiancé “ sehun had wickedly smirked  
“is it not sweet to be so madly in love “ minseok smiled a little bit  
“hyung what happened to you ?? you are all lovey dovey now and you keep coming later than usual to our house , are you seeing some sugar daddy ” sehun said  
“oh damn can you hook me up “ chen says  
“fucking kim jongdae “ kyungsoo screams , all three men can almost see his head cracking open and lava pouring out of it  
“no sehunie and fuck of jongdae “minseok sugar coated but both chen and sehun looked at each other something is up with their hyung  
Chen moved on , there was a needy kitty in need of his super heroic help  
“coming kitty “  
“I told you not to call me that “ he comes around the corner to see a glowering red faced kyungsoo with a frying pan in hand  
Chen raised his hands up in surrender “ and i promise not to do it ever again “ giving him a quick kiss on the cheek he moves on to the phone  
Picking it up he answers “hello”  
“hi jongdae , your father he ‘his mom kept sniffing “he , he , he ‘  
And he was a tad worried also a bit surprised but chen was not good at thinking before he speaks .  
“what mom “ he said impatiently “what ??” he did not want to sound ungrateful but she really was not his favourite person on the earth  
“he is in the hospital , they do not know if he will make it “  
“dad “ chen says slowly  
“Seungyeol “ his father says slowly  
“no it is me chen , your son “  
‘chen , where is kyungsoo , I need to talk to him “  
“I …i…he “ chen was a bit pissed off this is his father and he was dying and he wanted to talk to kyungsoo “I will call him “  
Once kyungsoo was in “appa “ kyungsoo said slowly while tears rolled down his eyes  
“my baby boy “ his father chuckles “you are a spitting image of your father “  
Kyungsoo laughed quietly “please don’t leave “ he says while the tears rimmed his eyes  
This was the fourth time chen has seen kyungsoo cry , but never has he seen him so sad  
“did u take good care of chen “  
Kyungsoo noded “made sure he aint doing that shit anymore appa “  
“I am so happy it was you who he fell in love with “ his father said , “I remember both of you coming to me telling me all about your undying love to each other I found it ironic how you both came to me separately , each one of you looking like a kicked determined puppy “  
His father laughed and chen can feel himself blushing “thinking about it makes me wanna coo “  
Kyungsoo was smiling faintly at the ground now it kind of make sense why kyungsoo kissed him unbashmadly and why kyungsoo was not so surprised when chen told him the truth , his father had obviously told him before hand  
“did you get the ring ??” he said softly  
Chen was confused but kyungsoo looked up at him and smiled “yes appa , it is as beautiful as the moon is “  
“don’t call chen the moon he looks more like a square , even the moon is offended “  
“dad “ he whined loudly “and what ring “  
“I will tell you later “ kyungsoo stammered his ears tainted pink  
“what are you tow youngster doing here , get the fuck out , I am still all healthy and young , your mother is just being melodramatic , I bet ya “ he leaned in closer “she wants to get rid of me for that mailman that stops by “  
Chen was the one to roll his eyes then “ she still does not know yeah ??”  
His father looked guilty then “actually “ he shrugged a bit “she does now , she got really mad and almost killed me , but look at me I am fine ‘  
“I can see where your sense of humor has evolved “ kyungsoo says quietly  
But chen was still all serious “and she still hates me “ he continued on while kyunsoo held his hand .  
His mom was a touchy subject  
“still hates you not so much “ his father corrected  
“whatever “ chen said and he sounded like how he was back during school times when he smoked around the bushes  
“get out of here you ungrateful brat , and no I do not wanna leave you for the mail man “ his mother said quietly as she entered the room looking like she came out of a 1920 film  
“ofcourse you don’t “ except instead of her punching him in the face like she used to she leaned down and kissed him  
“I guess honesty is really the best policy kyungsoo “ his father smirked  
Chen looks surprised his mom for once looks like she does not hate everyone in the room but only midly hates them  
“I still hate the cat though “ she said coldy” and the fact that jongdae is gay “  
“I am sorry ma’am “ kyungsoo bowed a little and chen never really understood that , why be nice to the meanest wretch on earth chen had to , she was his mom, but kyungsoo there was no reason  
When they were outside the room chen scowled at kyungsoo a little and Kyungsoo has always been an a graded expert at reading jongdae emotions  
“if this is about the –“  
“why are you so nice to my mom “ chen frowned  
“she has never been nice to you “ chen continued  
“chen have you ever stopped and thought about how your mom might hate herself as much as you did , your mom did not have me though , she had a man thrown at her and an obligation to marry him “  
Chen stopped in his track  
“I know this sounds stupid and all but she unlike you did not have the luxery of time to self harm , if she did , you would not be alive today “ kyungsoo said softly and headed out the hospital  
“it still does not count up for her being homophobic “ chen argued a bit angrily , that was low of Kyungsoo to pull , his scars have never really healed and sometimes they reopen too  
“it doesn’t , but she really wasn’t that bad to me when I was younger , she thought I did not see , but I did , she covered me during the nights appa was in a night shift , she made me stew when I was sick , sure she did not feed it to me but she made sure I ate it “  
“she did not choose her life and she did not choose wether she can stay in it or not for she had you, SHE WAS FORCED INTO A MARRIAGE , put yourself in her shoe and tell me then that you would not hate everything “ kyungsoo spoke quietly as they got into the car  
“and don’t be stupid we both know it was through her help we get our opening to be on the front page of the news , advertisement is not free , someone must have paid for that shit “ kyungsoo applied some lip balm then too  
chen smirked a little then kissed him “ I am just really happy you are so understanding also remind me to never get a boyfriend that is so fucking smart like you again “  
“I am not smart you are just exteremly dumb “ kyungsoo smirked in the mirror while he applied more lip balm  
Chen chuckled a bit as they headed to their apartment  
**************************************************************************  
Chen walks in and shakes his body like a wet dog , well more like a wet cat  
“I am home babe “  
“chen did u fucking leave the milk out again ??” kyungsoo was furious  
“uhmm .. maybe “ chen rushed away from kyungsoo sight “I don’t think so “ you never know what kyungsoo has up his sleeves  
“chen “ he can hear the little cat growling “you realize I can smell you from miles apart ??”  
“I am sorry kyungsoo , you know how …”  
And kyungsoo walks in all dolled up for him and chen stops for a second to admire how pretty his boyfriend is . like jesus fucking Christ what a hit  
“if you say something like “I landed that hot thang “” kyungsoo warns “I will murder you and I will not even feel guilty about it  
Kyungsoo had pink ribbons on his tail and a small black ribbon on his neck , he was wearing thoese sinful black jeans with holes in them and white button up with 3 of the buttons opened .  
So chen kissed him roughly , then passionately then more hungrily like predator latching onto his prey . but kyungsoo pulled away  
And chen finally realized he has walked in a trap for behind kyungsoo was his hand and if chen meomary serve correctly that is a sock  
Oh no  
No  
No  
No  
“I said I was sorry about the sour milk “ chen whined  
He lowered his head a bit waiting for the hit to come his way ,  
And it does except way softer or smaller , “that is not a can “ chen exclaims “I have been hit with one so often I know when it is a can “  
“I don’t hit you that often “ kyungsoo then purred at him  
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh “why do you always do that , it makes me always love you more and forgive you , this is abusive “ chen says sarcastically  
He plops himself on the couch and holds the sock in his hand  
“wait what is inside it “  
“ a surprise “  
Chen eyebrow shoot up high “is today something special “  
Kyungsoo looks at him shocked  
“because I completely know it was “ he slowly backtracked  
“really what is it ??” kyungsoo challenges  
“the car “ chen sprouts out “the car has the gift” he lies  
His car has no gifts  
“chen “ kyungsoo places his hand on his thighs “if you open the sock now then maybe today will be someday special “  
Chen was confused he touches around the sock , it is small , hard not very flexiable also is that round , wait did kyungsoo put hula hoops in socks and gave that to him  
‘are these hula hoops , awww how thoughtful , why did u give me one though that is very stingy “  
Kyungsoo looked at him like he wanted to murder him  
“kim fucking jongdae if you do not open this in the next 3 seconds I will take it back and reconsider ever being with you , also can you please stop thinking of your tummy for once “  
Chen rolled his eye “what a drama queen “  
He opened it and looked inside “wait what “  
add to the list of description that whatever is inside ; it is shiny.  
Chen thinks something at first in his head but then he thinks he is hallucinating and he is such a stupid dumb ,he almost pushes his entire face in the sock instead of just grabbing the item inside it out completely missing Kyungsoo kneeling infornt of him  
“is that a …..”  
He looks up and meets kyungsoo eyes , kyungsoo nervous but when was he not  
“kim jongdae , my chen ding dong will you marry me “ and kyungsoo gave him one of thoese bright earthly smile of his  
Chen scoffs he wants to cry , he wants to scream , he wants to grab kyungsoo and have a rendez vous , he wants to die of happiness, instead he just screams yes so loudly almost everyone in the whole fucking universe has heard him  
Then he lies on the floor and squeaks  
Kyungsoo just title his head upside down and looks at him smiling “I love you , you idiot “  
“I love you too “  
And he wants to say that he never feels insecure , that he never feel the urge to cut again , he does , but he has learnt to love himself . to value himself more than anything  
And kyungsoo and him . they were the same thing so interconnected they cannot let each other go , sure they gave each other space but they always attracted back . it was not obsessively clingy just …..  
They hugged and ate popcorn off of each other bodies when watching tv shows a lot .  
But kyungsoo makes him happy , he wants to be happy not just for kyungsoo but also for himself , because when he is broken so is kyungsoo . he needs to be strong and when the engine needs a little more fuel kyungsoo will be there to add more disal  
And chen will be there to gulp it all up  
No pun intended , but chen also discovered that bottoming is kind of what he likes more and kyungsoo is ever so happy to dominate said male , well any male  
But chen keeps him in check .


End file.
